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Let go, Barney. It's mine, all mine.

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It fell in my yard. I was dreaming about it first. That don't make no difference. I'm entitled to half. Fred, what in the world are you two doing? Wilma, I want you to settle an argument. And that's just how it happened. So it's my money, right? But it was my idea and my yard. So I'm entitled to something, right? No, Barney, you're not entitled to a cent.

Jack Benny Classic Podcast () Dick Lane - Bank Robbery | Free Podcasts | Podomatic"

You see? What did I tell you? Your own wife admits it.

It's mine! Now, what's the first thing I'll do with all this dough? Return it. I'll get me one of those snazzy sports cars, maybe two. One to go to work in and one to come home in, and then I'll Wilma, it sounded like you said "return it. You've been twisting your hair curlers too tight, Wilma. I force myself. Besides how do I find out who it really belongs to?

Hey, Fred, how about putting an ad in the lost-and-found column?

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Anybody can claim the money that way. Money is money. It's easy to describe. Then take it to the police. They'll find the owner.

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But, Wilma Go on, Fred. You know it's the right thing to do. Cheer up, Fred. Remember the old saying, "Honesty is the best policy. I'll play some music. Maybe that'll make you feel better. And here's a special news bulletin. Barney, we got the stolen money in this car.

FBI seeks public assistance to identify Wells Fargo Bank robber

And now we know who it belongs to. Although the police expect to apprehend the criminals shortly the bank has offered a reward for the return of the money. Did you hear that, Fred? A reward! I wonder how much we'll get. My, aren't we plural lately. I'm helping you return it to the bank, ain't I? Putting a bag of money in the trunk of my car makes you a partner? I'm out of gas. We'll have to stop at the next station.

We interrupt this program to bring you the latest news about the big bank robbery. Police have thrown a dragnet around the entire city and expect to apprehend the two robbers by nightfall.

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  8. Fill her up, bud. Make it snappy. We're in a hurry. Yes, sir. And for the last time, Barney, I will not split any of the money. Besides, how much could it be? You call that a big bank robbery? It's peanuts compared to some of the others. Oh, my gosh, it's the bank robbers. It's on the house. Operator, get me the police. Turn the radio on. Let's see if the cops have any leads on the bank robbery.

    Okay, Fred. And here's the newsflash. The two bank robbers were seen leaving a gas station a short while ago. Hey, they spotted those crooks already. One of the men is described as being a heavyset, vicious thug with dark hair and the other is short, shifty-eyed, and has light hair. These men are described as being extremely dangerous and police have orders to shoot first and ask questions later.

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    Boy, I'd hate to meet those two characters in a dark alley. They're believed heading in the general direction of Rockpeak's Park. That's where we're going. Maybe we'll run into them. I hope not. And the license number of their car is XYZ Two guys leaving the gas station, dark hair, short, shifty-eyed - Barney, they think we're the crooks. We're not the crooks. Yeah, I know, but they don't. We got the stolen money in my car.